The Prime Minister almost succeeded in breaking PMQs on 18th March. Backbencher Andrew Snowden (Fylde, Conservative) summed up the problem towards the end of the pointless session, saying :
“Every week the Prime Minister comes here and reads out this pre-scripted nonsense that bears no resemblance to the questions he is actually asked. The Leader of the Opposition asked him about Peter Mandelson and he answered about the war in Iran. The Leader of the Opposition asked him about Peter Mandelson again and he answered with an attack on the Shadow Justice Secretary. He was asked about Mandelson again and talked about protests in London! What is he scared of? What is he hiding?”
Hilariously, rather than answering Mr Snowden’s direct, simple and heartfelt question about whether the PM had spoken to Lord Mandelson personally about his sacking, the Prime Minister turned his answer to “I know why they don’t want to talk about the war.” It beggars belief, as an actual advocate might declaim, making Snowden’s criticism seem, if anything, too mild.
The wider question must be, where is the Prime Minister hiding his courtroom flair? As a former Director of Public Prosecutions and a distinguished “Human Rights” silk, did Mr Starmer just avoid courtrooms for most of his career? Is he, in fact, an imposter living off an imaginary LinkedIn bio?
The current PM displays such limited rhetorical skills that one can only conclude that his career as an advocate can not have been as illustrious as his supporters always suggest. It’s embarrassing.
Is anyone taking bets on the date of Angela Rayner’s (Ashton-under-Lyme, Ginger) return?
TWOP’s money is on 16th July.
Tuesday 17th 2026
Wes Streeting (Ilford North, Labour) Health Secretary made a statement about the Meningitis B outbreak in Kent to a far-from-packed House (?40 MPs?) However, there seemed to be confusion amongst those Members about how Meningococcal infections spread. This confusion sadly seems to mirror the panicky reactions of the wider population. Wes Streeting sounded calming, but one suspects that the post-Covid world is just a little more disease-panicked than it was before 2019.
Wes Streeting (Ilford North, Labour) Health Secretary made a statement about the Meningitis B outbreak in Kent to a far-from-packed House (?40 MPs?)
There seemed to be confusion amongst those Members about how Meningococcal infections spread. This confusion sadly seems to mirror the panicky reactions of the wider population. Wes Streeting sounded calming, but one suspects that the post-Covid world is just a little more disease-panicked than it was before 2019.
A potentially more significant policy statement on the Israeli-US attack on Iran came from Yvette Cooper (Pontefract, Castleford & Knottingley, Labour) Foreign Secretary, but in fact she merely repeated the line taken by the Prime Minister in a (rather unnecessary) Press Conference from No 10 on Monday 16th March, basically: “The UK will not be drawn into a wider war in the Middle East.”
Mrs Balls did helpfully reiterate the greater importance of the Russian-Ukraine conflict, as President Zelenskyy was en route to address a joint session of the Commons and Lords in Committee Room 14. Well, duh.
Dame Priti Patel (Witham, Conservative) Shadow Foreign Secretary, tried to sound indignant about the Government’s failure to come to The Orange One’s aid, but her tired indignation does not really land and she seems increasingly to represent a style of Conservative leadership well past its sell-by date.
Dr Ellie Chowns (North Herefordshire, Green) sounded more genuinely exasperated that the Foreign Secretary was not even prepared to criticise the US or Israel. Considering the stakes at risk in the Strait of Hormuz this was a very dull session. Of course, that is inevitable if HMG make a habit of rather too many and rather unnecessary Press Conferences to announce not a lot from Downing Street rather than coming to the House. Just saying.
Dr Ellie Chowns (North Herefordshire, Green) sounded more genuinely exasperated that the Foreign Secretary was not even prepared to criticise the US or Israel. Considering the stakes at risk in the Strait of Hormuz this was a very dull session.
Of course, that is inevitable if HMG make a habit of rather too many and rather unnecessary Press Conferences to announce not a lot from Downing Street rather than coming to the House. Just saying.
Monday 16th 2026
In an Urgent Question asking for a statement on the reopening of the Strait of Hormuz, Dame Priti Patel (Witham, Conservative) Shadow Foreign Secretary, seemed distinctly unimpressed with the lack of a plan to protect UK interests and people in the Gulf and the lack of UK military assets in the region. Sir Oliver Dowden (Hertsmere, Conservative) pointed out that the Royal Navy had been dedicated to maintaining the Freedom of Navigation for some centuries.
A sticking plaster apparently to be delivered by an opaque and complicated mechanism involving setting up a Crisis & Resilience Fund (in England at least.)
Thursday 12th 2026
Hannah the “Plumber” Property Developer Spencer’s (Gorton & Denton, Green) maiden speech during a “debate” (aka platitudinous ramblings) about International Women’s Day did not disappoint. Having bemoaned “the sheer unfairness of it all” the new Member revealed that “I don’t always get it. I won’t say I always understand it.” Well, it wasn’t a comprehensive explanation of the Green Party’s objectives, no word of a wealth tax, free social care or the legalisation of all drugs (Zack’s been puffing again.)
Hannah the “Plumber” Property Developer Spencer’s (Gorton & Denton, Green) maiden speech during a “debate” (aka platitudinous ramblings) about International Women’s Day did not disappoint. Having bemoaned “the sheer unfairness of it all” the new Member revealed that “I don’t always get it. I won’t say I always understand it.”
Well, it wasn’t a comprehensive explanation of the Green Party’s objectives, no mention of a wealth tax, free social care or the legalisation of all drugs (Zack’s been puffing again.) Still, “policy” is so outdated.
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Alex
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